Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
