last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
