I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
do herpes really smell.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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