You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize