I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
