I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Rumble strips road head = magical
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
