Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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