i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
