Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
