I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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