How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
