I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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