Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
