so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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