So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
