Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
