my mouth tastes like poor choices
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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