I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
