I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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