This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
