Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
