doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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