Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
