I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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