Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
