I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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