Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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