just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
