bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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