last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
