i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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