i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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