your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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