I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
