wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
