I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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