Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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