I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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