Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
