A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
