dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
