never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
