My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
