What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
