Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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