I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
