so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
