i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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