And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
