I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
