two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
