i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
