Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
