So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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