So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize