Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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