just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
