Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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