moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
