i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
