we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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