Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize