Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
