Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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