i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
