I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
