Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
