you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
