My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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