the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
