I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
