I will die if light touches me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
