You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
