the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
