Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
