Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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