Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
